"Like what?" Without humor this would be a lot harder. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. One more and I'll have a basketball team." In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. Score: 2. I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. Roses are red. The local parish had a fairly new priest. The rabbi looks the boy over and says to the priest, "out of what?". When he gets to be of age, he's kicked out of every school they put him in. "Father, my dear old dog is dead. Priest: Too late! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Religious Jokes. "I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!" Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. asks the nun, totally shocked. Can you go to confession for laughing? Why cant Catholics travel at light speed? The first nun looks to heaven and says, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing." The second nun looks up and says, "This one does!" Quarrel. Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912." Little Suzy declares, "I want to be a prostitute." All Rights Reserved. One more and I'll have a basketball team." Jesus then turns looks up to the heavens and says, "Dad, I can do this on my own, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!" The second Catholic woman chirps, while my son is a bishop, when he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.' The burglar stopped dead again. That makes it so convenient for your church members. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers. He asked the parrot: The Priest says " you can't be here!". A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship. Lent.'. But one doesnt need to go all the way back to the 16th and 17th centuries to find examples of good church humor. -Do you know a . /r/Catholicism is a place to present new developments in the world of Catholicism, discuss theological teachings of the Catholic Church, provide an avenue for reasonable dialogue amongst people of all beliefs, and grow in our own spirituality. Jesus just sighed. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. 52 Catholic Puns and Dad Jokes That Will Make You Either . He he also tops his shot and it runs along the ground toward the pond. The Franciscan asked, "What's a Mercedes Benz?" How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze. The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. 1. . By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. "Me too! The man replies Beds hard. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. --Emo Philips. 10:47 PM - 07 Feb 2016. 20 related questions found. OH, COME ON!, St. Peter shouted, It took me three months to find a priest up here! They decided it was only fair that they could each have one wish. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. You can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot, and you can have everything you want." He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief. Comfortable laughing at yourself and not taking life too seriously? The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon. He was frightened. They get to the pearly gates where Pope St. Peter greets them. Perhaps, they should call their lists "Top Ten Films That We All Generally Write About." 1. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. Violets are blue. Then the Catholic Church must be a non-profit organization. and the Lord says, 'Nay, Andy darlin', it's not you. One more and I'll have a golf course. Some jokes are better than others. Catholic (term): The word Catholic (usually written with uppercase C in English when referring to religious matters; derived via Late Latin catholicus, from the Greek adjective . Mary says, "I said I want to be a prostitute!" A Franciscan and Jesuit were debating which order was the greatest. In case you didnt know, some saints were well-known for having a good sense of humor. So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. A priest is drowning in a river. The nun asked if he had money in the bank. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?" One woman said that as an adult convert she had a terrible time working herself up to go to confession for the first time. "That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I quit! I hope this made your day lighter and brought some comedy into your day. He didnt tell me , The Pope: But I am the leader of the Catholic Church , St. Peter: The Catholic Church Never heard of it Wait, Ill check with the boss.. Matt Vander Vennet currently resides somewhere in central Illinois. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Todays Video: 10 Hilarious Catholic Jokes, Live Mass Friday, March 3, 7:00 a.m., from the Cathedral Basilica of St. Peter in Chains, Merrick Garland grilled on anti-Catholic, pro-abortion bias during Senate hearing, McDonalds Filet-o-Fish history tied to Cincinnati Catholics, Meet the 6 American Black Catholics who are on the road to sainthood, Stations of the Cross by the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" -Hello, is this Father O'Malley? Lent is when everyone gather' round big fire, cook hot dog, make e fireworks. Please stop bickering about such trivial matters, My Son Is Better Than Yours. Matt is a doctoral candidate studying Church History at the Catholic University of America, is currently writing his dissertation, and is the advancement director for a local Catholic high school. Mar 14, 2021 - Explore Kitty Leaf's board "Catholic jokes" on Pinterest. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus." One goes limp when a child walks in the room. And the Lord says, 'Nay, Johnny me boy, it's not you. At Marias funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, At last, theyre finally together. the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. "Clarence," said the bird. " Theres no such name in my book., The Pope: Im the representative of God on Earth., St. Peter: Does God have a representative? The Priest is shocked by this statement and asks "What makes you think this?" The Franciscan fell on his face, overcome with awe at the sight of God born in such poverty. God is watching." Finally, I asked a Rabbi. Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband? From jokes about priests and nuns to jokes about the Pope, we've got something for everyone. A Franciscan, Dominican, and a Jesuit walk into a bar. "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? " He thought he was God. I said, "God loves you. "God's here, and he brought his girlfriend." He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. Sincerely, -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the Mormon. During world war II, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'. The friend asks, Well, did you get the money?, He replies, Oh, thats all you people think about, isnt it!?. The priest shakes his head Exclaims the priest Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman. The driver finally lets up. "What did you say?!" A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. Chief: Important like the mayor? He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house." Little Suzy declares, "I want to be a prostitute." "Me too! They witnessed a Protestant minister lurking about, then duck into the house. A Catholic and a Buddhist were on a quarrel on whose God is more powerful. Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!" They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump." that was pretty bad. At one point, he asked the Catholic priest, "What language does the Western Church use in its liturgies? I'm atheist," the tourist says awkwardly. "Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school." 167. The following conversation ensues Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. 00:00. The Catholic Telegraph / August 13, 2019 / 1.5k. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The driver is understandably hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that." The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. A man walks into a monastery and says I want to be monk. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. I want you to kiss my ring and swear by the Blessed Virgin that you'll never so much as mention the British in public again." In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and lakes and rivers. Tugging his father's sleeve, he said, "Daddy, when the light turns green can we go?" Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. Youve been complaining ever since you got here!" Chief: Important like the governor? At Sandra's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Please stop bickering about such trivial matters, He said, "Baptist." The man says, Yes. Are you Catholic or Protestant?" A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. I'm telling everybody . The priests says, "It begins at conception". Praise be to God!, the Holy Father responds So whats the bad news? While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?. Priest: Wait! He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should." Please, please, please add your own good, CLEAN, Catholic jokes in the comments section. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. A priest dies and finds himself at the pearly gates with St. Peter. "What idiot named you Clarence?" He said, "Protestant." For more information, please see our "Mom!"she yelled toward the living room. "Yes," says the priest, "your legs.". said the couple. Sit down now and dunna worry. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. Catholic Christianity offers the world the fullness of the Christian Faith. Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?". 'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. Cop: More. The third man says' Easter. An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. So we have faith you'll find them as hilarious as us. "um" the priest stumbled "in my youth, once or twice" The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope." Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he hits puberty. St. Peter: Who? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More like a Catholic church. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. the one asked. There are also catholic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. Laughter is an important part of life and when it is coupled with Christian comedians you are bound to be rolling on the floor! One more and I'll have a championship basketball team." The man wreaks of stale beer and cigarette smoke, his tie is stained, his shirt filthy, his face plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. "Then that dirty dog Judas Iscariot slowww-ly rises to his feet. They like to show how many people can crawl out of them. "I think it must be the second coming," she replies. he asked. from Holy Apostles College & Seminary and an M.Phil from CUA. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I said, "Me too! A few weeks after her second husband died, Sandra also passed away. He's done it again!". When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father., The second Catholic women chirps, Well, my son is a Bishop. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. 10 Hilarious Catholic Jokes. Then the Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!" "Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. Priest: "Because my hand is getting tired. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. He just knew there was something fishy about it. I feel like I am uniquely qualified to laugh at these jokes because I grew up in a large Catholic family and my uncle and my cousin are both priests. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.". The bus driver looks and St. Peter and says "Well, now, don't think I'm not grateful, but why am I getting so much more than the priest?" One man in the crowd then yelled, Yes, but is it the Catholic God you dont believe in or the Protestant one?. As Proverbs 17:22 declares, "a joyful heart is good medicine.". 7. nice! "I thought you said 'a Protestant!'" Next I asked a catholic priest. The Catholic Telegraph is the official newspaper of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. He loves a good brew (NO IPAs! St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar." The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!" Articles like these are sponsored free for every Catholic through the support of generous readers just like you. St. Peter shouted. Founded in 1831, The Catholic Telegraph is the official news source of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. It's all gone! The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink. It's LATIN, RIGHT?" 26. Now tell ME, Father- I've heard that your people are supposed to be celibate. A sense of humor is a gift from God. He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912." A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. The man replies Fine. The priest says, "Thank you so much. A policeman notices and pulls him over. Sign up for a new account in our community. March 3, 2005 in Catholic Open Mic, Catholic Jokes He knew that dying for the Christian faith would pave the way to his eternal reward and . He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me." But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years." The man replies "Fine." Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot's office. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. "How long has it been since your last Confession ?" I said, "Me too! Papa they mean business! /r/Catholicism is a place to present new developments in the world of Catholicism, discuss theological teachings of the Catholic Church, provide an avenue for reasonable dialogue amongst people of all beliefs, and grow in our own spirituality. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. There's certainly nothing more Catholic than guilt! The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

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