5. Who gives lobsters their Christmas presents? Writing about time travel takes so much creativityyou have to think outside the clocks. Will Smith made his first awards show appearance this week since the infamous 2022 Oscars, during which he slapped Chris Rock across the face and was subsequently banned from the event for 10 years. Subscribe to The Pun. "What's your kid's name?" "Because he's my newt.". "Well, he's back in town and wants your number.". Because I asked. by u/I_Fart_Liquids Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. I want to receive exclusive email updates from YourDictionary. Check out the different types of puns, and enjoy additional pun examples to get you laughing! You'll find homographs, which are defined as words that are spelled the same way but have different meanings, in homographic puns. A: A crookodile, Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Come on, Abbott give me my $40. I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus. My ex-wife still misses me. Because youre supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day! and I thought by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes. I was literally the only person in our 10 person class who laughed at those. (Sorry.). I failed math so many times at school,. (Credit: justbadpuns.com), Q. I got a new thesaurus not only is it bad, its bad. 9 was his best friend. and I burst into tears. They're funny because they're true in both interpretations of the word, and they are best understood when read. Because there is no point. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Q: Why shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop? Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months. But graphing is where I draw the line! Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Baseball is America's favorite pastime, and for a good reason. A: A pouch potato, Q: What did the volcano say to his wife? And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, "False Frugalities": 45 Examples Of People Trying To Save But Actually Losing Money, "Can't Approve Overtime? SUPPLIES! What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain? Tonight we were out with my dad for dinner and went back to his house after, where my daughter sat down with a dry erase book to practice making numbers. I understand the joke, but cant see the pun. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Now close your eyes.. What do you call a computer that grows on a Christmas tree? Good Jokes for Adults. The waiting room is in a temporary location while the main waiting room is being renovated, and the ladies behind the desk couldn't see if someone came in and took a number. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Lou Costello: Thats right. Her: Im not sure? Keep goingyoure on the write track! He left me the key in his will. Why was the encyclopedia removed from the library? 25. - Stewart Francis, New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group, Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted, Residents Warned to Protect Fish and Hens to Avoid Otter Devastation, Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway, Creates Jam, You don't have to be a cat lover to love these, Feeling hungry for some humor? Because it is never right. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. It's intense tense in tents, A cross-eyed teacher couldnt control his pupils, Let me tell you about my grandfather. (Credit: @punnstagram), What do you call a thieving alligator? 45 math puns that are better than pi itself, A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is, No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be, After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally, Always trust a glue salesman. Because seven ate nine. Teacher: And so, what is the answer? Come on, dole them out, we'd all benefit. Don't check the fridges; check out these, Animals are funny enough without the wordplay, but these. Last night, as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I received a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't recognize and I naturally let it go to voicemail. But this is how I remember it. A. Bill, What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? But unlike most of us, some were born into this world with a rare love for commas, apostrophes, and missing letters. One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. and Why was the math book depressed? But 3 promised to get to the root cause. The art competition ended in a draw. Whats the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle anda well-dressed man on a bicycle? A Crookodile, What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A: I lava you, Q: What do you call and owl that does magic tricks? Its Tequila Mockingbird. The girl nods and the bus arrives. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Orange you pumped that it's almost Halloween? What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? 6 couldn't believe it. Teacher: Oh, I thought you were Tom. 7/11 - Free Slurpee Day at 7 Eleven stores It had too many sleepless knights. 5/4 - May the 4th be with you - A pun on "May the force be with you." AKA Star Wars Day 7/11 - Free Slurpee Day at 7 Eleven stores 9/11 - No intention of being offensive with this one. Hilarious Puns to Get Your Friend Laughing Best Life I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. Why DID seven eat nine? by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes. 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Ireland. I have absolutely no shelf control when it comes to books! The ceremony wasn't much, but the, I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a, The cartoon animator felt imprisoned by his job. Why did the dog run after the book? ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" But it doesn't matter how kind you are. I had number 10, and after waiting about 5-10 minutes and not being called, I went to the desk and she helped me. What do you call dudes who love math? Rays friends claim hes a baseball nut. Im on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. They're both cauld ron. A pun usually uses a word which can have more than one meaning, even if the spelling is different: Sometimes a pun may use a whole phrase that can be heard in more than one way, as in the following knock-knock joke : "Knock-knock!" "Who's there?" "Dishwasher." "Dishwasher Who?" "Dishwasher way I ushed to shpeak before I got my falsh teesh". It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Ruddy firemen. Keep up the mew -mentum. Bud Abbott: Thats the way you feel about it, thats the last time I ask you for a loan of $50. "My therapist told me, 'A problem shared, is a hundred quid'." - Ivor . They eat whatever bugs them. Albert Sloan. We also genuinely have a place called Cockermouth in Cumbria. I don't know and don't really care. Fruit flies like a banana." RT @DoobusGoobus: 1. Here are 55 of the comic master's most ingenious jokes and one-liners: "I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. Related Topics. What is red and smells like blue paint? [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. Why did Adele cross the road? Man responds: Youre welcome. The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. Bud Abbott: How much did you give me? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays, Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?". Because shell go on and on and on forever. 4. A. Bud Abbott: Thats right. Choose a number between 1 and 10. Patient: When did what happen? What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? My dad told this joke to me for the first time when I was like 10. Whether youre an avid reader, a writer, a librarian, or just someone who appreciates the English language, these book puns are bound to make you smile, just like these clever jokes that make you sound smart (or these grammar memes thatll crack you up). Examples of puns in quotes from famous people include: Looking for more quotes from literature? He goes up to podium and says "plethora". Tom: explains what numbers go where A: It wasn't peeling well, Q: What do you call a classy fish? Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Be no giving birth to a copper then , a real pig sty. Error occurred when generating embed. The dad came over to the side of my till while I was serving customers, announced his account number and then ran off to join his family without saying anything else. I havent been to the library in a whilehow Dewey find the books? What is a cars favorite genre? Johnny says, "Eddie Murphy! Rome wasn't split into two? 2 groups of people you cant trust are lawyers, judges and politicians. Want to hear something terrible? It doesn't make any cents! A: You're one in a melon. But it was just a Fanta sea. ", She had a photographic memory but never developed it, Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? A panda walks into a cafe. Pun Intended: 10 Puns in Translation. It was a booby trap, Aint that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. So my dad, my uncle, my wife and I were all sitting in a waiting room and my wife told my dad that she would text him her new phone number. and I burst into tears. [Pause] But you owe me 40. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). What did the grape say when it got stepped on? My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. (Credit: justbadpuns.com), I'm only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. Particle Charge Joke. We recommend our users to update the browser. Reading is a novel idea. ( Czech and check, for instance.) What do you call an alligator in a vest? and I burst into tears. Teacher: Are you sure? Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis. How do you stay warm in any room? Pork chop, Q: What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe? 12. I do all right with my money. Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10? There are no answers as to when this amazingly lame form of humor was born but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day, nonetheless. I said to my best friend The words cant describe how beautiful you are! A: Thunderwear, Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of "in" is. 49. Fur score and seven years ago; Did you need me to . Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. Ten-ants. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? Everyone has said stupid stuff 5 years ago let's be honest 3. See you Tuesday!". These puns are paw -ful. Everybody: "YEAAHHH!!! Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. "I'm a panda," he says at the door. Check out these punny slideshows that are perfect for your next chuckle. Close your eyes. Ive decided to retire as a librarian to start a new chapter in my life. Its been shortened to the top 80 images based on user votes. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? Jungle bells! by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes, I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" It was spot on. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. I'm a big fan of whiteboards. A: T-Rex, Q: What job did the frog have at the hotel? The pun doesn't have to stop here! A competition to find funny jokes from this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival has been won by Masai Graham. 3. About 10 minutes later the family are queued for my till. A: Gummybear, Q: How do you organize a space party? More From Thought Catalog. 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Only spreading good scribes around here. Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. Light travels faster than sound. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. He has no reason to text. I find them quite re-markable. 50. Can we all agree to leave writing poetry to the prose? I lost my case. My cat is totally litter-ate. dairyman be a cowboy? The timing changed to 12 PM as noon became synonymous in English with midday. referee be a game warden? This tiny portion of humankind is known as the . They can be homographic, homophonic or both. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Note: this post originally had 218 images. They're always jumping for joy and never hopping mad! I enjoy every minute of it, I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. Im not really a mourning person. Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt? A Thesaurus. Send Good Vibes. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. How do you wash your hands at Christmas? Best Puns. I remember that someone completely missed the joke. Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on. One time, my teacher said, Name two pronouns. I answered, Who, me?. Hemust be plotting something. 22. They look at their dad in awe. Why does nobody talk to circles? Help me look for it." The neutron asks, "Are you sure?" The proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive." Lou Costello: Ok. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. If you're looking for more giggles, take a look at over 100 funny puns and punny jokes. How many trains did you derail last year? I said, Cant say A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. The best first: I have two very nice lamps in my living room. Charity: A few charity-related phrases for you to use in your gift puns: " Charity begins at home," and "A charitable person.". But there are three two-letter sub root combinations as well. 25 and 25 is 50. Tell your dog Akvile said hi! 5. After saying we weren't sure, we asked how many there were. Bud Abbott: Dont change the subject. I told you it was tear-able. A lawsuit, What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? semicen ten nial. Egg-Squisite Egg Preparation & Presentation. I like big books and I cannot lie. There's the homophonic pun, in which two words sound the same but mean something different. and I thought Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Hal: How did you get hit on the head with a book? Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. How could it be that 7 ate 9? " puns on the words "kidding" (kitten) and "now" (meow). My gourd luck charm. Answer: Ration. The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. There are a lot of words in the English language, so good luck figuring that one out. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. 2. exis ten tialism. You knowcause he's blind.". One asks, Whats your favorite kind of music? The other says, Im a big metal fan., Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too. 37. On the third try he was able to get through. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures. 2. Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for? An, I've been to the dentist many times, so I know the, What did one plant say to another? We will not publish or share your email address in any way. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? 110+ Coffee Jokes for Caffeine Lovers (LOL) 105+ Hilarious Cow Jokes For Kids. It left a hole but they're looking into it. We have an on-and-off relationship. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you." My dogs dont even own bikes, I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. 11. They always had a little tree in addition to their big one. Tom: Y. They are used for a humorous effect, and these will have you thinking, laughing, and knee-slapping - sometimes, all at the same time. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place. National Novel Writing Puns Tweet National Novel Writing Month: Flavor of the Puns Tweet Flavor of the month: There's an R in the Puns Tweet There's an R in the month: Puns in a blue moon Tweet Once in a blue moon: Puns more unto the breach, dear friends, Puns more Tweet Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more: Puns to the crunch Tweet More Cat Puns. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger?

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